Okay so tonight the three of us are sitting around being bored. It snowed last night and the girls schools were ghost towns so they have no homework. I am just enjoying some peace and quiet! Then I show the girls the most recent post from The Bloggess. First I seriously am not trying to be all John Hinkley Jr. but everyday I read her blog I am more assured that she is my long lost sister.
I read the post and start crying laughing, then it was "Hey girls you gotta read this!!!" they cry laughing, and Princess Talks-A-Lot assures me that she is glad to have an aunt. Then we go look at the greeting cards! Oh dear, the environment in my living room is degrading by the second.
So I am telling the girls about The Bloggess writing a sex column called Sexis Funny and Baby Girl asks me why is sex funny and my response..."because naked people look funny." Now I know the human body is beautiful heck there are tons of naked pictures of me in my house. However you have to admit naked men look funny! Now I don't know that the rest of my descriptions are really family approved, but there were some vary colorful descriptions of hanging parts and expanding and shrinking parts and then the real one.
"Someday you will be with your first, and he will be naked, and you will hear my voice in your head saying 'Naked men look funny' and you will start laughing and he will think you are laughing at his penis, and get his feelings hurt. Then you will have to explain that it isn't his penis, it is your mother, and then the mood will be destroyed, and I won't have to worry about you having sex."
Conclusion: The S*** I say will warp them for all eternity and I will have succeeded in my evil plan to protect their V card!
PS: Baby girl just said that she is the only one not warped in our family. The brainwashing is working!